The telemetry storage landscape is crowded, and picking the right datastore is rarely obvious. In "Magical Mystery Tour: A Roundup of Observability Datastores," Josh Lee walks through the foundations of metrics, traces, logs, profiles, and wide events, then weighs the strengths and limits of Postgres, OpenSearch, Prometheus, Cassandra, the LGTM stack, ClickHouse®, and VictoriaMetrics for each job. Whether you are building an observability stack from scratch or tuning one you already run, you will leave with a clearer view of the trade-offs.